Maaya

She opened the door with a forced smile. Her swollen, red eyes revealed how hard it was for her to smile.

When he didn’t see Maaya in college and when the calls and messages went unanswered even though she was online,  he rushed to her home as soon as the classes were over to find out what’s happening.

He rode his bike in anger and pain. He was really mad at her for not picking his calls or texting him back. He couldn’t accept being ignored. He wanted an explanation from her and wanted her to know how much he missed her and how ignored he felt. His heart pounded as he entered the gate and pressed the calling bell.

Maaya’s appearance itself made him calm. Her eyes said it all. She was in some trouble, would have been crying all day or fighting with someone. Both of them sat on her couch. “What happened?” he asked her. “Severe headache from the morning”. She was a very bad liar. But he didn’t want to pester her with more questions. Her tears always made him weak and he knew he could stand anything but her tears. “College was fine today…wanted to know what happened to you. So just came along”. He tried to smile and appear normal while telling her. “ Achan and amma?” he asked. “They went to my sister’s house early morning. Will be back tomorrow” she said. He went to the kitchen and understood that no one had entered it and nothing was cooked. She didn’t eat anything all day.

He sat near her and told her. “Don’t be so sad”.

“No I am fine, Its just my head..” she didn’t complete the sentence.

Silence filled the room. Maaya grabbed his hands and held them tight. He just caressed her hands. Both of them looked down. Tears welled up in their eyes. “ Whatever I have to tell you will make you sad” She said. Even though he heard it, he just continued caressing her hands silently because he remembered that he had failed in all his efforts in handling such situations in the recent past. Most of such situations usually ended up in a fight between them.

“ I’ll go get some food for you”  he said as he got up from the couch. She smiled at him still holding his hand.

As he closed the door behind him and came out he couldn’t hold his tears. He started his bike and went to coffee day and ordered some snacks and drinks.

As we waited he was lost in thoughts.  Only if he could understand her whenever  she was down and needed her own space…and that he was not the only person in her life and that she had to devote time to her parents, friends etc.  If he could believe her completely when she told him that she cared a lot about him and that he’s the most important person in her life. If he could avoid all the unwanted fights that happenned mainly because he missed her or he felt ignored. If he could really do all these in past few months then she wouldn’t be sitting alone at home and torturing herself.

Even after all those fights, she tried her best to be with him. And, though the magic in the relation was gone she did her best to make him comfortable.

She used to share everything with him- her happiness, anger, regrets, pain and all otherwise silly things which were important to her. She had always wanted him to give her his full attention, to be possessive about her.  She used to enjoy it.  But the same possessiveness and unexpected reactions from him created a gulf between them.

“Sir, your order is ready”. The Waiters voice woke him from his thoughts. The red and black theme of coffee day seemed hazy. He wiped his eyes and took the packet from the waiter. “ Have a nice day sir” she said. “ It’s going to be nice again” he gave her the best smile he could give.

It was Maaya’s mercy that kept their relation alive. She deserved happiness. As he rode back to her house he made up his mind and decided that he would give her his best and help her to be herself.  He told  himself, “ I cannot change the past or make her believe that I will never fight again, but I can change. If I managed to stay calm today I can be calm in all such situations. I can again be the man she once loved so madly and she may feel the change in some days, months or years. I will wait because I need her as herself”.

Back at her house he found her waiting for him at the door. She had changed from her night dress to his favourite green salwar. And, most importantly, she was wearing her best smile.