Do You Miss Me?

Sometimes

someone asking you

do you miss me

touches your heart

more than them telling

I miss you

Amelie

“I am not being negative, but you are loosing everybody after you met me”

 He looked at her. She was just plain. This was the last thing he wanted to hear from his best friend on this horrible day.

 Keeping his calm he smiled at her and told

 “Amelie, I think god wanted somebody with me when I loose everything and that is why you came to my life just before things went astray”

 May be this is the only positive thing he thought or said that day. Amelie was not so satisfied with that answer but since she didn’t want this discussion anymore she didn’t respond.

 She just spent two or three minutes more there and left. Nandan didn’t try to stop her also.

 Ten minutes before Amelie arrived at the beach, Nandan’s favorite place, just to be with him and give him company on that tough day.  She didn’t have to call or search for him to find out where he was. She knew that on a day like that Nandan will be at the beach.

 Nandan just watched her go. He knew that she didn’t want to hurt him or leave him like that. It’s just that she doesn’t want to show her feelings and she never showed that she cared for him.

 Amelie, Nandan’s best friend was different (but never claimed so). She never said to him that he was very important for her but he could feel it. She never said that she liked him a lot, but he could see that she did. She never consoled him when he was sad but he felt relieved talking to her.

 She never looked back. Just got into her car and went away. Nandan watched the sun coming out of the clouds just before it dipped in the sea. He couldn’t stop his smile. He couldn’t believe that Amelie who never meets him if he is having a bad day and who even disconnects the phone if he was talking in a bad mood, came to meet him at beach on his worst day. The fact that she was there only for few minutes was not important and that was her signature style.

 She doesn’t want to show that she cared.

last lap

I donno why

but i am slowing down

in the last lap

almost near 'Finish'.

is it because 

i dont want to win

or is it because

i am sure that 

even if i run hard i will not win. 

My own

My hands are empty, but

Nobody can steal those moments
which make me live.
which are my own and
which no one can experience.

"Can't Loose What You Never Had"

I thought i have lost you
But now i know i haven't
and will never loose you.

Prithvi

I was having a small nap in my car at calicut beach ( i use to do this at times) and woke up hearing some one knocking my cars door. A small boy was standing outside my car, he may be four years old and had a very sweet face with curly hairs. I opened the door still leaning back in the drivers seat and the boy smiled at me.

"Hello, what is your name", i asked him.

"Prithvi" the answer came smartly.

something passed through my heart hearing that name and i leaned forward to him. He was looking at the crystal in front of my car and asked me " can i come in " . before the reply he just climbed to my lap and i was amused. i told him that his parents may dont like this and his answer was just three horns from my car. Everybody around looked at us. He really enjoyed the attention and started to sound the horn again.

"Where is your mother?" i asked him

"She has gone to bring me a baby sister" he answered while touching the crystal on my dashboard.

By this time i noticed an old couple coming near to my car and i stepped out of my car.
" Sorry if he disturbed you" . the old man said to me and the lady took him out of the car

" Its ok, prithvi is smart, i think he is your grandson" .

My guess was right( it was simple) and we introduced us to each other. By this time Prithvi escaped from his grandmother and started running around.

Mr. Muraleedharan and Parvathi Muraleedharan , retired after their long service in Dubai.

We talked as if there was some kind of bond and they told the story of Prithvi.

Prithvis daddy died in an accident and his mother (Mr & Mrs Muraleedharans daughter) married again and is settled in Birmingham now. I thought that Prithvi was having a vacation with his grandparents but very soon understood he was not. We spent sometime together and talked a lot. Prithvi was so sweet and smart and even when i was talking with the couple i was actually watching the kid. i told them that they must make the kid understand the realities as he grows. i think it will be a very tough taskfor them.

while driving back to home the sweet curly haired boy was in my mind. I wonder why his mom left him alone ( i felt that he will be lonely even though his grandparents are giving him the best they can). I never asked this to them and they also didnt tell me.

Prithvi, dont curse your mom, may be she is helpless .....

waiting

sometimes waiting for nothing is beautiful than waiting for something

silence

I never thought that being silent is so peaceful,
yes "there is sucess beyond fear"

why i love sunset?

I wonder why i love sunset,
is it because i feel the pain of parting,
is it because i love the joy of uniting,
is it because i simply like the colours
or is it only to solace my mind that
darkness is temporary.

i will embrace the torments of hell

the trial

The neigh of the horses caught the attention of the people. Soldiers were coming on the horses and it was a usual scene in this market place, but there was something unusual, a man was being dragged by one of the horses

The stage was set in the centre of the market place and the man was tied to the pole in the middle. People gathered in seconds to see the sinner. They were laughing and shouting and screaming. The soldier raised his hands and the crowd became silent.
What is the sin, an old man asked with all his voice


" He has sinned a lot,

but the worst he has done was

blinding his dear ones from the beauty of life , by holding them close to his heart. he wanted them to see the world as he saw, to love the people who he thought was right and to react in the way which he felt was right."

The crowd shouted in anger, kill him, kill him ,kill him...

The accused was never given a chance to speak.

The soldier said : "You the people of Wiseland has the right to punish this man

he shall be stoned.”

The man raised his head and looked at the crowd. There was neither fear nor anger in his face but he was seen shocked when the first stone was thrown to him. Then there was a shower of stones on him and the crowd left the stage when he was a heap of blood and flesh.

the choice

He saw two gates and an angel when he opened his eyes

Angel: “Welcome , you have an option - heaven or hell”

Man: (without a second thought) Hell....I will embrace the torments of hell

Angel smiled at him and asked why and the man replied

" All the agonies which i may face will be much less than the pain i felt when i saw the face of the person who threw the first stone at me, let that person be granted the happiness of heaven when the time comes and let me embrace the torments of hell "

I wanted them to die.... one by one

It was discouraging and painful to stand outside the Intensive Care Unit and hear the doctors say that nothing can be done except to wait.

My dad, was lying inside unconscious (as per the knowledge of doctors) for some days and the so called "best of the best of the doctors" couldn’t do much rather than try something new every day.

Every midnight, before going to the room to try to sleep I would ask the security guard in front of the ICU whether someone in that ICU was dead that day. His yes gave me some kind of confidence to go to sleep. I didn’t know why.

After some days I found out that my mind was tuned to the fact that death will come only once to that ICU and if she has taken away someone that day my dad will be safe for the day. Then I started to wait for a death in that ICU.I prayed to god that let the persons who are waiting for death be taken to this ICU.I wanted them to die, in that ICU, one by one every day to save my dad. One day till mid night no death occurred and I was restless. Then only I heard the guard telling to someone that a patient who was taken to another hospital from this ICU was dead on the way. The guard added that he would have died here itself but his son wanted to try his luck. I was relieved that today also my dad is safe. I prayed to god to take him out of the ICU as soon as possible.

Some days passed and then that day came, no one died in that ICU, I went to my room , lied down on the floor. Early in the morning that call came, it was the guard. “Sir, please come down, the doctor wants to speak to you”. I had heard this many times in front of the ICU and knew what it meant.

I MISS U dad. I don’t think I ever expressed my love to you.

perplexed

i am happy
that now you have what you wanted

i am confused
whether you have what you need

i am thoughtful
whether you will always have what you want

i am frightened
that your heart will be broken once again

(thats why i opened my mind to you)

i am sad
that you felt i was abnormal when i opened my mind to you

and i am astonished
that we have lost the magic.

trust & promises
were to broke,
coz it was larger than life

care and share
were to forget
coz it was conditional

love is still there
( i believe)
forever and ever and ever

final thought

weapons, all around
people staring
(with mixed feelings)
time ticking
heart beating
(still feel so)

attack for a second
i live, if i can defend

but how
with my eyes blindfolded

gift of love

Swimming in the wild sea he heard a scream, a cry for help. there was a girl who was fighting not to drown. He understood that she really needed his help and will drown if left alone. but he didnt do it. he swam in the opposite direction, but her cry was haunting him.he changed his direction and went to her. he could see the wreck of a boat and helped her to lie down over a wooden plank and told her " i am sure someone will rescue you soon" and turned away. she was asking for his help, but he didnt gave a ear to it.

while cruising in the water his memories gave him company. few years back when he was swiming in the same sea another girls scream has changed his direction. he was happy to help the girl, Jia. with everything against them he took her on his shoulder and swam to the direction of the island he could see. It was too far and in between she told her story, how her boat was wrecked and how everybody escaped without helping her. he was moved and told that he will be there whenever she wants and however she wants. in the wild sea with his company she thought that he was her world and no one could love her more than him. he thought that it was JIA who he was missing all these years.

she said to him that she has never seen such a person and that she will be with him forever, he told her that island is our destination and you can see somany new things there ,even her loved ones who escaped without her and that she will find her man there. she said " no one can ever love me like you and no one can take care of me like you. i want to be with you and no one can make us apart".

he was in heaven. he couldnt believe her. swimming in that worst condition with her on shoulders didnt even bothered him. he was cruising like a happy fish. they ate together, laughed together and dreamed together and didnt know how they reached the island . people welcomed them and praised the man for his bravery and care.

all this was shortlived. jugglers, magicians and story tellers wanted to impress her, he could see that she couldnt resist everything and she wanted colour in life, more colours than he could give her. HIS love was intrepreted as a lock. she felt that even if he was not there she would have reached the island. Silence filled their days, distance between their hearts increased. one by one she started to take back the freedom he had on her. she was telling that she love him, but he couldnt see it in her eyes.

he tried the best to bring back the magic between them. she also tried, they couldnt part.it seems that miracle was happening. she was being his once again.

but god has different plans. the man came, the man who escaped from the boat. the man who couldnt even look at her when she was drowning, when she was yelling for help. slowly she was attaracted to him once again. she coudnt stop her self. past became insignificant. ...........................

now he is swimming back..back to the wild sea...he said to the sea " i belong to you mother, take me"..... far away the girl on the wooden plank was yelling, this time not for help, but for him. but he didnt go back.

Attack

Its tough to defend a friends attack than an enemys attack
for a friend attack your mind first.

Its not...

Its not that you lied to me that made me sad
Its that you didnt feel being truthful to me

Its not that you kept things away from me that made me sad
Its that you didnt feel free to tell me

Its not that you didnt talk to me often that made me sad
Its that you didnt missed talking to me

Its not that you left me that made me sad
Its that you could easily live without me

Its not that you didnt LOVE me that made me sad
Its that you hated me for what i have done for your good

Its not that I DIED that is making me sad
Its that YOU are alone now, when you need me the most