I wanted them to die.... one by one

It was discouraging and painful to stand outside the Intensive Care Unit and hear the doctors say that nothing can be done except to wait.

My dad, was lying inside unconscious (as per the knowledge of doctors) for some days and the so called "best of the best of the doctors" couldn’t do much rather than try something new every day.

Every midnight, before going to the room to try to sleep I would ask the security guard in front of the ICU whether someone in that ICU was dead that day. His yes gave me some kind of confidence to go to sleep. I didn’t know why.

After some days I found out that my mind was tuned to the fact that death will come only once to that ICU and if she has taken away someone that day my dad will be safe for the day. Then I started to wait for a death in that ICU.I prayed to god that let the persons who are waiting for death be taken to this ICU.I wanted them to die, in that ICU, one by one every day to save my dad. One day till mid night no death occurred and I was restless. Then only I heard the guard telling to someone that a patient who was taken to another hospital from this ICU was dead on the way. The guard added that he would have died here itself but his son wanted to try his luck. I was relieved that today also my dad is safe. I prayed to god to take him out of the ICU as soon as possible.

Some days passed and then that day came, no one died in that ICU, I went to my room , lied down on the floor. Early in the morning that call came, it was the guard. “Sir, please come down, the doctor wants to speak to you”. I had heard this many times in front of the ICU and knew what it meant.

I MISS U dad. I don’t think I ever expressed my love to you.